When I think back on Godspell, it doesn’t feel like just a show I was in. It feels like a significant change that has affected my life moving forward. I came into the first rehearsal excited and terrified at the same time. Godspell was my first musical ever so being surrounded by new music and harmonies twisted my ears in ways I wasn’t used to. I’ve gone through many sicknesses and vocal stress throughout the run, but I see that as growth in my career as an actor. Not to mention, the choreography that had my legs questioning every decision I’d ever made. I quickly figured out that although I’m a great dancer, I still have moments of dancing like I have two left feet. Through all the confusion and stretched muscles, there was this feeling that I was exactly where I needed to be.
What really shaped the process wasn’t the notes or the steps, it was the people. Those ensemble games that felt goofy at first ended up breaking down every wall between us. We learned how to move together, breathe together, and trust each other. It also helped us to explore who was outside the show. We all come from many backgrounds and beliefs that brought us together to connect to the overall story of Godspell. It made the world of Godspell feel real because we were building it from truth.
Outside of rehearsals, we didn’t drift apart once we closed our scripts. Oftentimes we would meet up for Allman’s barbecue or Cook Out just to celebrate the community we’ve built through Godspell. Lots of nights after rehearsal, we would always stay in DuPont to squeeze in extra harmony and choreography rehearsals because we didn’t want anyone to fall behind. If one person trickles off on the wrong path, we all come falling behind like dominoes. Somewhere in all that time spent together, we stopped being castmates and became more like a family.
There were so many moments during the run when emotions hit us out of nowhere. Sometimes we were overwhelmed or proud with our progress that we became wrapped up in the weight of what the story was asking from us. Even during our two show days where we were running on adrenaline. By the time we reached our final performance, the energy felt heavier like every second mattered just a little more. Watching Jeffrey take on that final crucifixion scene for the last time broke something in all of us. It wasn’t just acting anymore; it was the end of the world we had built together. I also approached the performance knowing that it would also be the last show we shared with Alivia before she left college for good due to personal reasons. It added another layer a lot of us weren’t prepared for. That final bow felt like holding on and letting go at the same time.
Closing Godspell still sits with me. It taught me how to trust myself as a performer, how to rely on others, how to show up even when I’m unsure, and how powerful a community can be when everyone commits to the same heartbeat. This show granted a version of myself I didn’t know I could grow into. Before then, I was such a scared actor. My life was full of chasing a dream that I was not fully capable of doing until now. I lived lots of my acting journey lazy and not willing to do the necessary work to become a great performer. Fun fact, I do not recommend going down that path. Reflecting on my past self, not taking the time to dive deep into my character work often left me afraid to make choices because I didn’t know what I was talking about. I had no sense of my character’s emotions, who I was talking to in scenes, inner and outer thoughts, I mean the list goes on and on. You’re never truly done researching and exploring as an actor. There’s always more to discover/unpact.
Although the lights went down and the set came apart that same night of the last performance, the feeling of what we created together is something I’ll carry with me long after Godspell’s ending.
P.S. I’m obsessed with the clean protein bars and vitamin water from the show that represented Jesus’s body in the show. Not to exaggerate, but we had to eat and drink those items for 15 different performances. We also went through trails and errors of various gluten free tortillas, Red Bulls, and Gatorades.
Last thing, I promise! Gregg also went out of his way to write a sweet letter to the cast upon closing day that really resonated with me and I thought I’d share that below:
